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Interview with an iPod
A/N: I...don't remember when I wrote this, or why. It's old, though.
It was a dark April night, around 11:30. Rain beat down on the windows in sheets. The large room was dark, save for a small white light. A girl was sitting up in bed, legs crossed, bent forward consulting her iPod.
She had picked up the practice of consulting her iPod at school, where it was quite common. If one had a question to answer, one would simply hit "Shuffle Songs" and hope for the best. How helpful this turned out to be was questionable, as, depending on what music you happened to have on your iPod, answers could be quite ambiguous and easily misconstrued. This did not stop anyone. People continued to consult their iPod on matters of romance, academics, or simply whether or not to go out for lunch. Nobody knew where it started; and nobody cared, either. It just happened.
The girl had a lot on her mind on this particular night. For the past week or so, she had been on an exploration trying to determine the sexuality of the pianist of her chorus, and while she knew it was innocent curiosity, her friends were convinced otherwise and were trying to tell her that she was in love and it was stalkage. Nothing she could say would change their minds. After much thought and very little result, she had pulled out her trusty old iPod and hoped that it would give her some answers.
"So," she said to it, "What do you think?"
Maria
Jim
Bryant
West
Side Story (Movie Soundtrack)
She grimaced. Not what she had wanted, or had been expecting.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Mean
Mr. Mustard
The
Beatles
Abbey
Road
"I hate you," she muttered. But she continued asking questions. "I don't think I like Alex. But maybe I do. It's possibleÉI'm really imperceptible to these things."
Kidnap The Sandy Claws
Various Artists
The Nightmare Before Christmas
"ÉRight." She sighed. "I am never going to be able to figure this outÉLet's see, good things about AlexÉwell, he is the piano god of the universe. And he's a senior. He sounds relatively intelligent, at least on his sconex, and like a bit of a social outcast. The kind of person I would hang out with. Oh, and Doctor Brockman mentioned he was trying to learn Elvish, and Stefan said he was a font person. Bad things about AlexÉhmm, lack of bad things coming to mindÉwell, he is tall, skinny and really awkwardÉhas pretty low self esteemÉand messy hair."
Cirith Ungol
Howard Shore
The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
"Right, I forgot about that. Lord of the Rings freakÉ" she thought a moment. "Not sure whether or not that's a bad thing." She thought again.
"Well, symptoms of me being in love: can't talk to the person. I can't talk to him, I don't know him, so that doesn't count. Writing excessive amounts of fluffÉI have based two characters on him, but only one of them was a major character and neither of them were part of any fluff I've written. Not like JamesÉthat was pathetic. And fluffy."
She turned back to her iPod. "So," she asked, "What's the final verdict?" She hit shuffle songs.
Little
Bird, Little Bird
Harry
Theyard and Muleteers
Man
of La Mancha (Original 1985 Broadway Cast)
"What!" She hit shuffle songs again.
Like
A Virgin
Madonna
Weird
Al Originals
Still not liking the answer, she hit shuffle songs a few more times.
A
Witch
Monty
Python
Monty
Python and the Holy Grail
Sk8r
Boi
Avril
Lavigne
Let
Go
Star
of the County Down
Musicians
Fair
Liberty's Call
Baby,
You're A Rich Man
The
Beatles
Magical
Mystery Tour
Original
Of The Species
U2
How
To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
Eyesight
To The Blind
The
Who
Tommy
Rock
Me Amadeus
Falco
3
"Damnit!" she shouted, throwing her iPod down in frustration. It bounced a few times on her mattress, landing face up. She glared at it.
"Are you still awake?" came her mother's voice from downstairs, "Go to bed!" She sighed and turned off the backlight.
"Goodnight!" she called down the stairs. Rock Me Amadeus was still playing on the speakers. She picked up her iPod and glared at it.
"Fat lot of help you are," she muttered at it, and then put it aside and settled back into her pillows.
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